Today you seem far away from me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lmp7E0CWRnM

further away

Last night there were no dreams, but I did not sleep until 3am.
This morning I scrambled out of bed and hurried to church.
You seem further way from me today, as if we are walking in different directions.
I want to resist this and stay close to your memory, but I guess this is natural.
You will never be completely gone.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o7VoIn2MuW4

return to you

Half a day of shock, horror and panic drove my thoughts away from you, not a nice distraction, but as the evening has drawn on and I have got tired and calmed down, you have returned close to me.
I listen to 'do you dream of me' on repeat, it seems to be my lullaby these days.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B9YMXUgtHu0

There is a lump in my throat and I want to cry.
And I wonder if my dreams will bring me close to you as they did last night.

on my mind

You are on my mind today, I think about how it could have been different.
What we could have done differently.
What we could have been doing today.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XU82-cg8T08

talking

I think of so many things that I wish i could say to you. I think of so many things we have said.
And I will never say anything to you again. Thinking about the times we had is still so painful.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y28fyO0JreA

morning

I slept eventually, with the help of hebal sleep remedy,  and dreamed a long-drawn-out and vivid dream, it was so real, so close. I can be so close to you in my dreams but when I wake you are beyond reach forever.
When I woke, I didn't remember at first that there were things I wanted to forget, the blissful few minutes before the sadness kicks in.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8P8UFLuusmw

insomnia

I am still sitting here, knowing that I will sleep and wake to another day without you.
It's hardest late at night, and I really do miss you so very very much.

Come back to me in my sleep and we will relive those joyful sunny days together, spring and summer, love that came in the sping with the daffodils and bloomed joyfully in the hot summer and died in the cold dark winter.

Here is an old favourite song  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UEvdEBSymOI

dreams

Sitting here tonight, waiting for the herbal tablets to kick in, I wonder if I will dream tonight? I wonder if I will be searching for you in my dream as I did the other night, or if I will find you. I wonder if I will remember the dream as I did the other night, or if I will just wake feeling vaguely comforted or with a deep sense of loss.
Here is a song for this feeling http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B9YMXUgtHu0

I find comfort in the cold autumn air, the falling leaves and the darkness, and being here in a place that I love, and being well cared for.
And maybe in knowing that one day we will be reunited, at the end of everything and the joining of our ways.

Will sleep return me to you and you to me, even for a few short hours? until I wake bereft and knowing that you are gone.