The Day I smile again

I wonder if there will be a day
When I can feel happy
When the old wonder and joy
Will be there, unbidden and undiluted

I wonder if I will look up
at the great hills that comfort me
without the fear and shame and dread
that have been there since you are dead

I remember how I loved to look at the hills
and now I look but without joy
without hope or belief
I am living dead 

I wish my body was full of life and strength
and my mind was full of joy as it was
I remember I could run, I could move
now I am as if frozen, almost lifeless

Time cannot be turned back, 
I will not regain who I was
so I walk on slowly
and wonder who I can be
and when the day will come
when I can smile again
and feel safe